Tiffany’s Blog

This one is from about a month ago I just didn’t get a chance to complete my thoughts until now.

I love going to live concerts. I have always loved it and I really regret the fact that I have stopped going in the last few years. In college it’s really all I did. My room-mate Amber and I pretty much bonded over music and going to shows and we came out with some pretty good stories. We drove to Canada once to see the Foo Fighters. And luckily we did because I have not seen them since.

It’s odd that since I moved to the west side of the state all of the shows I have wanted to go to have been in Detroit. That is a crappy drive to make. Maybe this is partly what has hindered me from going. I used to really like the bands that The Intersection booked but lately they do more dance nights than anything else. Plus I used to be a lot more willing to go to a cheap show where I wasn’t even sure if I was going to like the music or somehow I managed to like a band before they got big and tickets got expensive.

I went to Warped Tour two years in a row, ‘03 and ‘04. I think these were both summers that I was in Lapeer before I took up residence in GR. There were so many great bands there both years, even some that I didn’t like then that I do like now and I wish I could go back and see.  Case and point, Glassjaw and Coheed and Cambria played in ‘03, both bands I would love to see live. I did get to see The Suicide Machines, Rufio, Thrice and Story of the Year. Just a few of my favorite bands around that time.

It’s just different now even thinking about going to a show. It’s always a younger crowd if I want to see a popular band. I like seeing older groups on occasion, I mean Def Leppard was sweet. But when I really get into a groups new song or album sometimes I just really get the urge to see them live. I’m trying to make an effort to do this more often and I’m thinking that maybe if I write it down here I will eventually make myself do it. If I can start finding cheaper tickets and remind myself not to see anymore shows from the floor…floor = sweaty guys and people touching your butt all night long. No thanks.

I didn’t get a chance to write about Tyler’s open house even though it was the last weekend in July, so here goes. It really put into perspective for me how time has flown by since I left Lapeer and moved to GR. It almost felt like time was standing still in Lapeer whenever I would go back to visit. But yet I noticed Tyler was looking older each time I went back. It’s hard because I wasn’t really able to be around him at the time in his life when he was really becoming the person he is now. I think going away to college will change him, I know that’s what it did for me. Whether or not people who knew me in high school think I have changed is up for debate, I’ve never actually heard anyone say whether I have or not, but I feel like I have. I definitely go back and see my sister and brother who stayed in Lapeer after high school and they are exactly how I remember them from 6 or 7 years ago, (plus a kid for each.)

I’m really proud of Tyler. It has been a really rough few years. He was the one most affected by my parents divorce. He had no where to go to get away from it and was forced to be stuck in the middle of it. I think he handled it extremely well considering some kids become really messed up from things like that. It’s always been important to me that I made sure he knew he could come to me for anything. I wanted to be able to share my advice or even if he just needed someone to talk to. I don’t think we’re as close as we could be but overall I’m pretty happy with our relationship. It was hard because of the age difference too, we’ve got 7 years between us but I remember him hanging around with me and my friends in high school. In fact the majority of people I knew then still remember him at that elementary school age and are having just as much trouble accepting that he is actually going to college in the fall. He’ll be at Central, so he’s really not going to be any closer than he is right now but maybe instead of going into Lapeer on weekends he can come out to GR sometimes.

I know he is just itching to get out of town and move in day is quickly approaching. I remember how excited I was to leave and I am just as excited for him to get out, meet new people, have new experiences and start the next phase in his life.

Edit : Once I went back and read this I wished that I had titled it “Your mom goes to college” but I hate that movie…so I think it’s just my obsession with ANY movie quote that influenced that thought.

I don’t see myself sleeping all that well tonight after what I have just done. I have chosen to forgive an ex-friend for dropping me like I never even mattered. This wasn’t just a casual, call you every once in a while kind of friendship. This was a best friend, someone I believed at the time (maybe naively) would be a friend forever. Tonight I wrote her a quick note explaining that I was forgiving her and that I didn’t want her to respond, I just needed her to know. It means more to me for her to know, even if she really doesn’t care.

I even posted about it once. There was a select list of people I would never forgive and never have contact with again. Well she was on that list. I still assume we will never talk again but this one was more for me. I need to learn to have closure in my life. I let things hurt me over and over again like it is still the day it happened. I do this in many aspects of my life and I refuse to let myself feel that sting anymore.

I know I am strong enough now to just let things go, I can’t be angry anymore and I can’t keep on hating people. It’s not doing anything for me, at least not anything good. It truly is exhausting feeling that much contempt for any one person. I am officially lifting this weight and hoping that this changes me for the better.

I’ve decided that this is weighing to heavily on my mind to not write about it. I really used to write a lot more and now that I don’t get things out this way as much I’ve realized how much more stress I actually cause myself. Since I am pretty sure I know every person who actually reads this I don’t feel as hesitant to put these feelings out there, even though there are few things that have happened in my family that I have been embarrassed about up until this point. Depending on who you are and how close we are you may or may not know about this already.

My mom has chosen a path for her life that I do not agree with. She has officially gotten married again and beyond the fact that she met this man on the internet, she has only known him for 3-4 months and they don’t live in the same city; there exists an even larger issue – he is 85. That makes him almost 30 years her senior. Her mother isn’t even that old if it puts that all into perspective. I have discovered something about my mother as I have gotten older. She is completely and utterly self destructive and there is nothing that she can do to change it, she just doesn’t know how to help herself. I feel like everything that has happened to her since my parents divorce is almost completely her fault and I really have tried to cut her some slack; but the more she tries to blame all of this on my dad (and she does at every opportunity) and make it seem like somehow the choices she is making now all these years later stem from that; the less I find  I can sympathize with her.

When she told me about the guy and the marriage I told her some half truths about how I felt about it. I do not want to make my mother cry and I really believe this is one of those situations where I can not tell her exactly how I feel without it seeming like I am taking sides and criticizing her decisions. Because when it comes down to it these are her decisions to make and it wouldn’t matter what anyone said, her mind is made up.  Whether or not she believes she is doing this because she has no other choice is another matter completely. This is where the moral issue comes into play. She was up front about this with everyone, which on one hand I appreciate. The truth is hard to come by and hard to admit especially in the situation she has put herself in. If the thought hadn’t entered your mind by now, she is doing this for the money. She said straight up that if they are married for a year, when he dies she will get his pension…by her claim he is aware that this is the arrangement. She is good company for him in return and it was his idea.

Letting that sink in, I feel physically ill and somewhat sad for her. I’m trying to take into consideration what her life has been like since the divorce; a complete and utter struggle with finances and her feeling like she has gotten the raw end of the deal. I don’t think there has been a conversation I have had with her since then that didn’t have some mention of something having to do with money. My dad gets half her retirement per terms of the divorce and she has always spent money she didn’t have. It’s not like she doesn’t have a well paying job. She’s been a teacher for 30 years, she makes enough money to support herself. But I can only imagine the hole she has dug, I know there is debt, a lot of debt. Our old house and her condo have both been foreclosed on, so there are definitely some issues that she can’t get away from.

Leading me to the reason I wasn’t exactly surprised by the news. She has spent the last few years looking for a quick fix for this; believing that the next scheme is going to be her way out. She may have just found it this time.

No one listens to me….maybe no one ever has and I just didn’t care before.  Seriously though it’s getting ridiculous.

This isn’t me whining about something I am imagining either, this is really happening. I am constantly saying, “I already said that” or hearing people say exactly what I said but actually getting a reaction.

Maybe if I start acting like a dumbass…I’m sure someone would remember that.

Yesterday was my three year mark at FOX. It really doesn’t seem like I have been there that long and I still can’t believe that I ended up in news sometimes. (Definitely not where I thought I would be when I was taking classes in college.) Sadly this is the longest I have ever worked anywhere. I’m actually pretty proud of that accomplishment because although I seem to be able to commit to everything else in my life, I have NEVER been able to commit to a job. I always get bored.  Granted I did almost quit (more to do with money than anything else) but I am glad I stayed. I managed to work my way up pretty quickly and that has made for some pretty exciting times. I also have gotten to work at FOX during a span of time where it has been constantly changing; from adding the morning show to now going completely high def. Being forced to relearn everything and working in such an unpredictable medium helps to keep everyday fresh and exciting. Morning news in general is definitely more relaxed which I have really grown to appreciate. My stress level is a lot less and the overall environment is more fun. I think with all the changes coming, both newscasts will have more creative opportunities. I need structure but I don’t want to be stifled and that is how the night newscast felt a lot of times. I’m nervous but excited for tomorrow as our new switcher will be installed and ready to use! We’ll see how that goes…maybe there will be an update in the near future.

This question is supposed to be part of a study conducted on unhealthy drinking habits. These researchers determined they actually got more accurate results with just this one single screening question rather than asking a wide array of questions that don’t cover the full spectrum of unhealthy use. Basically 31% of people surveyed reported unhealthy alcohol use. I’d be willing to bet that if the people I work with were surveyed they would have a higher percentage.

I  on the other hand know the answer to this question, one. That would be an exception too because the time I am thinking of was my bachelorette party. So once a year is actually probably an overestimate for me. Thus I have discovered the reason I don’t hang out with the people I work with. There isn’t something better you could be doing with your time? You have to have alcohol in your system to have fun? I don’t want to hear the bullshit about how this job is so stressful you have to get drunk every weekend or in some peoples cases, weekday. Whatever.

I don’t think I’m better than people who drink a lot and I have never been one to preach about vices and how bad it is for you but seriously. Sometimes I feel like I can’t relate to people and it is based solely on the fact that I wasn’t at the party where everyone got wasted.

I just had a few conversations recently that prompted these thoughts.

End rant.

Happy Square Root Day!

http://www.sciam.com/blog/60-second-science/post.cfm?id=square-root-day-3309-is-upon-us-2009-03-03

Free-IQTest.net – Online IQ Test

Kevin made me do it and I didn’t think he would believe me unless I posted the link somewhere.